What Do You See?
by LadyFanuilh
Summary: Firefly was on what seemed to be a normal scavaging trip for an employer when they found more than planned for. Based on the Series.
1. Log One

I'll fly away, oh Glory

I'll fly away, in the morning

When I die, hallelujah by & by

I'll fly away

I'll fly away...

Alison Krauss – "I'll Fly Away"

* * *

"So, what's the _Gorram_ deal about this new job, anyhow?" A tall burly man asked as the captain and his second came aboard the Firefly Class ship. He paused briefly to take in his crew standing, waiting with anticipation as to what their next job was gonna be. He grinned crookedly and turned to the dark woman besides him.

"Zoë, why don't you tell this fine crew of mine of our next mission?" He said, tossing the last of the words over his shoulder as he went to the stairs that lead upwards and into the ship. She turned to face the rest of the crew.

"We're to salvage a ship. New boss's mad 'cause it was comin' to deliver him his shipment, but it got attacked by Reavers on the way." Zoë said blandly and with a straight face, as if she was talking about the weather instead of their next job.

"Reavers?" A blond man asked and looked to the others, then back to his wife.

"We're goin' where _Gorram_ Reavers' been?" Jayne asked with faintly masked horror. The others looked to him almost amused as he fingered his sidearm.

"No worries," A young pale girl suddenly spoke up. "Death's went on visiting elsewhere. Only Sleeping Beauty's left. She's waiting for her prince."

"Does it bug anyone else that she does that?" Jayne remarked as he jabbed a thumb back at her, missing the tongue stuck out at him. Her brother smiled at her, amused at the brief normal childish behavior. Nobody bothered to answer Jayne.

The captain reappeared on the catwalks and leaned over to view his crew. "What are you standin' 'round for? Let's go!"

It took the crew of _Serenity _the better part of the week to fly to where the dead ship was still hovering in space. During that time, River had been driving the crew crazy with her sleepwalking that had suddenly developed during the course of the trip. Jayne of course has taken to sleeping with his gun Vera under his pillow and Simon was visibly exhausted from watching over River so that she won't hurt herself or someone else.

By that point, Mal had taken Zoë and Jayne with him onboard the dead ship, leaving Wash sitting nervously at the pilot to keep an eye out for unwanted visitors and Simon prepping his sickbay, just in case. Thus, nobody was really watching over River as she came to the entrance to the other ship and walked though, following some kind of trail in her mind, a whispering that had been growing.

_I walk a lonely road... The only one that I have ever known... Don't know where it goes... But it's home to me and I walk alone..._

River looked down to her right into a corridor with lights that were flickering, casting an eerie atmosphere. Her bare feet stepped over debris carefully, never making a sound or misstep as she moved forward slowly as if not to scare some unseen creature, leaving the safety of _Serenity_ behind and walking into places unknown.

_I walk this empty street... On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams... Where the city sleeps... and I'm the only one and I walk alone... _

River stopped in front of a door that was still closed, but not locked. The voice was slowly growing louder, a woman's voice tainted it faint pain. As if in a trace, River raised a hand to the panel on the inside of the doorframe and it groans open in a jerking motion and stuck halfway. But that was no problem for a girl as slight as River.

"River?" She heard faintly as she stepped through and the door jerked shut behind her, enclosing her in complete darkness. Slowly, as her eyes became accustomed to the darkness, she could see that it was as black as it seemed, there was little lights that almost danced like stars and a glowing screen flickering with static. Her hand reached almost mindlessly to touch a small vertical pad and as her finger rose, a light grew until she was able to see again.

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me... My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating... Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me... 'Til then I walk alone..._

A tall narrow pod caught her attention, it was built into the side of the bulkhead and a row of red, yellow and green lights zoomed down the side of it every second. River whimpered softly and clasped her hands over her ears, trying to shut out that voice that was echoing through her skull, distantly, she could hear somebody shouting and banging on the door behind her, but she couldn't muster up anything to care about that. That voice was beginning to overwhelm her, engulf her.

"Leave me alone!" River screamed at the pod, just as the voice softens to the barest whisper as the door behind her slowly groaned as it was forced opened by Jayne.

"What yah doin' here, Crazy?" Jayne asked annoyed as he braced his back against the doorframe and forced it several inches more so that Zoë could slip under his arms and into the room.

"Are you OK?" Zoë asked, looking down at River. She didn't reply, just stared at the pod entranced. Zoë slowly moved to the pod, alert for any dangers that may appear. She rubbed at the dirt that had formed over a panel to better examine what this pod was made to contain. Her eyes widened.

"Cap'n!"

_Read between the lines... What's fucked up and everything's alright... Check my vital signs... To know I'm still alive and I walk alone..._

The pod was moved onboard _Serenity_ and was transported to Simon's sickbay so that they could better examine River's discovery. All of the crew was standing around it, each waiting to offer their "expert" opinions.

"We found the shipment, whadda else do we need to know?" Jayne grumbled as he leaned against the doorway to the sickbay. Neither of the crew paid him much attention and that didn't bother him much.

"It looks a lot like a status pod of some kind, but I've never seen this model before." Simon mused as he carefully cleaned the buttons and lights so that he could see them better. Book came up behind him to get a look at a read-out panel.

"I think I may have seen something like this." He said, gently touching the front of the pod and allowed his hand to rest a moment. "It has been a long time, but this looks like a very old model, at least a couple of hundred years old."

"No kiddin'?" Kaylee asked surprised. "Would anybody still be alive in that?"

"Probably not, I've heard that the older models were oft times faulty." Simon said as he looked at it again in new light. "I've never thought I'd actually see one with my own eyes. Even if the person is dead, you still can learn things about our ancestors from their bodies." He went on in an excited voice, not noticing right away the weird looks the rest of the crew was giving him.

"Simon." Kaylee said with a smile. "I've never seen you this delighted about dead bodies before!" Simon looked up at her distractedly as the rest of the crew grinned amused. Each of them began to talk over the other in debates on who could be hidden away inside of the pod and how old it must be. River stood in a corner of the sickbay, forgotten by the rest in the excitement of the discovery. Very softly, she began to sing with the voice in her head.

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me... My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating... Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me... 'Til then I walk alone..._

"Wait," Wash held his hands up to silence the rest of the crew. "Why did this guy want the pod anyway? Did the fella even know what he was gettin'?" Mal shrugged.

"I didn't asked, reckoned it would've been a bad notion, considering how he was so jumpy." Mal drawled slowly as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"He did seem awfully jumpy, Sir. I thought for sure somebody's gonna put a hole in him the way he had so many guards and the like." Zoë oftered as Simon crossed his arms and came closer to the rest of crew, leaving the pod standing quietly by itself.

"What did he tell you about this shipment?" Simon asked.

"Not much, just where it was and he sure wanted it bad." Mal answered. "Now that I know what's hidin' in it, it makes me somethin' skitterish."

"Could it be possible that this body's alive?" Kaylee oftered and everybody looked over at her and mused it over a bit. Simon shook his head.

"I don't think so; it would be a miracle if that person was still alive. Some of the flaws of the earlier models were that they tend to fail after about ten years and oft times, they don't work right." He said, waving a hand absently for emphasis.

"What do you mean they don't work right?" Jayne asked with a frown.

"I mean they'll sometimes they just fail, screw up some kind of body function or even keep the person aware of being trapped in that pod." Simon finished.

"That is horrible." Inara said with faint horror as her hand drifted up to cover her normally coy red mouth. The rest of the crew took a moment to ponder on the thought, each thinking of what it would be like to be trapped in that kind of hell. Neither of them saw River still singing under her breath as she walked to the pod and started to examine the buttons along the side of it. Mal suddenly held his hand up to catch his crew's attention. "Did yah hear that?" he asked as they all listened carefully.

"_I walk this empty street... On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams... Where the city sleeps... And I'm the only one and I walk a..."_

"_Mei-Mei_?" Simon asked as he turned to where he had last seen her, but she was no longer in her corner where she was before.

"River, what are you doin'?" Mal asked suddenly when he saw her nearly hidden behind the pod. Her big soulful eyes looked up at him for a moment, then back to what she was doing. "Simon, your sister's is getting weird again." He complained.

But before any of them could do anything, the lights suddenly changed from a regular stream down the side of it to a fast flashing pattern that was too complex to catch the rhythm of it. She took a step back, startled.

"Whadda she just do?" Jayne asked as he began to finger his gun. But before anybody could answer him, the pod suddenly gave a loud hiss and a fog began to pour out of it at the seams. River jerked back and allowed herself to be pulled away into her brother's embrace as he sought to protect her from whatever could happen next.

"_Gorram_ girl!" Jayne swore as he pulled his gun and pointed it at the pod. Mal quickly put his hand on Jayne's forearm and pushed it down slightly.

"Wait, let's not get too trigger happy." Mal advised as his other hand inched towards his gun still strapped to his hip. The fog was no longer streaming out in a rush, rather it now flowed gently down to the ground and crept to surround the crew's feet.

"Simon." River began to struggle against his grasp as she tried to free herself. "She's hurt; what happened to my mind? Needles, needles all over." She moaned and with a sharp twist, managed to free herself from Simon and lurched forward to the pod and her long thin fingers scrabbled at the seam as she worked at trying to force it open. Simon quickly moved forward and pulled her back.

"No, _Mei-mei._" He said soothingly. "Shh, leave it be. You might hurt yourself; let somebody else take care of it." With that, he looked towards Mal and Jayne pointedly. Jayne grumbled, but at Mal's pointed look, he crept forward slowly, his gun never wavering from its' target. Slowly, he reached out a hand and felt along the seam. The fog felt cold to his touch and tingled slightly, causing him to jerk his hand back.

"Are you sure this fog's safe?" He asked to the rest of the crew.

"Yes, it shouldn't have any affect on you." Simon said. "Besides, if it did, I doubt it'll be a loss." Jayne grumbled as he turned back to the pod and carefully dug his fingers into the seam, still holding a gun on it in his other hand. With a mighty pull, he managed to make it creak open an inch or so.

"Stop foolin' around and holster that gun." Mal ordered, bring his gun up, just in case. Nobody knew what they could be facing behind this cover. Jayne swore under his breath, but obeyed the captain, holstering his gun and this time digging all his fingers into the seam and slowly applied his strength to it. This time, it gave more and with the steady pressure Jayne gave it, it reluctantly groaned open until it was nearly half open when the cover suddenly jerked and snapped the rest of the way open, flinging Jayne into the exam table. All of them jumped at the sudden movement and now Zoë and Wash had their guns pointed at it. They couldn't see what was inside because of the fog was pouring from the top of it and completely engulfed whoever was within.

River smiled. "Come out! Come out and play!" She called into the pod. A slight movement in the fog answered her and Jayne quickly moved away from it to stand besides Zoë with his gun now out and pointing. Nothing happened after that for a moment, and then a soft sighing sob was heard. Simon crept forward, pushing his sister back behind him towards Inara to keep, his concern aroused.

"Wait." Wash said suddenly, causing Simon to stop and look back. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Whoever's in there is alive and he probably needs our help." Simon said, gesturing to the pod. "Besides, are we just going to stand here pointing our guns at it until something new happens?" he said almost sarcastically.

"Go on, I'm likin' what's he's thinkin'." Jayne said, prompting the doctor with his gun, Simon just gave him a faintly annoyed look and carefully reached into the pod.

"Yes, I feel somebody in here." He murmured softly, his hands moving carefully to seek out the bounds to release the prisoner. With a soft moan, a slight figure fell forward through the fog into Simon's arms.

"Oh!" Kaylee said startled and then moved forward to get a better look at the woman that Simon now held. "She doesn't look too lively." She said worriedly. Simon moved swiftly, but gently, and laid her out on the exam table and reached for some of his tools of trade. By then, the others had lowered their guns, with the exception of Jayne.

"She's still alive." Simon reported as he examined her. "Her vital signs don't look very promising though." He finished worriedly as he rested a finger against her jugular vein. Her pulse was too slow and irregular and she breathed with obvious difficulty and her skin was so pale that it was translucent and one could see the tiny blue and purple veins tracing their way along her temple, her eyelids, inside her arms and her lips were a faint purple. In spite of her young appearance, her hair was whiter than her skin with the pearliest sheen. River came up besides Simon and was looking down at her with a gentle smile. She reached out and cupped the young woman's cheek in her hand and leaned forward.

"Wake up." She whispered. "You're born again."

* * *

_I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a...  
_

_Green Day – "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"_


	2. Log Two

Child of the wilderness

Born into emptiness

Learn to be lonely

Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you?

Comfort and care for you

Learn to be lonely

Phantom of the Opera – "Learn to be Lonely"

* * *

Only Simon and River were in the sickbay with the woman. River watched with bright eyes as her brother worked to find out what was wrong with her, why she was unresponsive to most stimulants. Finally, frustrated, he threw a tool against a wall, not noticing how the patient flinched slightly at the sudden sharp sound.

"What am I doing wrong?" Simon demanded as he turned to look at his patient, then up at his sister who was staring at him eloquent eyes.

"She forgot how to wake up, she screamed in the dark for so long." River informed him and slipped down off the counter she was sitting on and went to stand besides the patient and started stroking her hair. "It's like kittens." She said softly with a delighted smile, looking up at Simon. He smiled back at her as he thought on what she said, a sudden realization sunk in.

"Wait, are you saying that she was aware of being trapped in that pod?" He asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "Then her mind could be shattered. It is possible that her body isn't function as normally as it should be, she could've been weakened by the long status." He thought out loud as he went to get new tools to test his theory. He didn't look up as Mal walked in to check in on her.

"How's our patient doin'?" Mal asked as he stopped to stand besides River. She ignored him. Simon looked up at him distractedly, then back down at the readouts.

"I'm having trouble reviving her. I have some new theories, but it'll take time to figure out exactly what is wrong with her." He straightened up. "I doubt she'll ever wake up. The damage to her mind and body may be too severe" He said, looking down at her with pity. Mal shuffled from foot to foot as he thought about it.

"But you'll keep tryin', right?" He asked. Simon nodded, and then frowned thoughtfully. "What are we going to do with her? We can't very well turn her over to that man. Who knows what he was going to do to her in the first place."

"That's for me to know and you to find out." Mal said as he left. Simon stared after him, and then grumbled softly under his breath.

A couple of hours later, Simon appeared in the kitchen area exhausted and slumped down in a chair besides Inara. She smiled at him gently and patted his hand.

The others came in, looking for dinner. Jayne threw himself down in a chair and stabbed his knife in some kind of fruit that Kaylee had managed to gather on their last stop.

"How's that girl of yours doin'?" He asked, pointing the knife at him as he chewed. Simon looked at him with faintly veiled distaste.

"I'm having trouble reviving her. I'm afraid she might just die without ever waking up. Her mind-" Simon said, but was interrupted by Jayne's snort.

"She looks like a _Gorram_ ghost. Better to let her die." He stated as he took a large bite out of his fruit. Mal came in on the last comment and cuffed Jayne on the back of his head. He glared up at him as the captain sat down at the head of the table.

"Lettin' who die?" Wash asked as he and Zoë came in together, Kaylee smiled to herself as she sat down at the foot of the table. She noticed that they had been holding hands until they entered the room.

"That girl the doc's slavin' over." Jayne said, now had moved on shoveling food into his mouth.

"Ah, how is she anyway?" Zoë asked smiled at her husband as he pulled a chair out for her. He sat down besides her and draped his arm over her shoulders.

"Not doing well." Simon said, favoring a shorter respond in fear that Jayne would interrupt him again. "I'm having trouble figuring out what is wrong with her."

"You mean she won't ever wake up?" Kaylee asked dismayed. "She looks so purty lying there, like a real princess. I wanna find out what she's like!" she protested.

"I have a feeling River does too, she hasn't left her side since we released her from that pod." Simon said with a sigh as he neatly scooped up a fork full of a mashed something. He paid it no attention, though, his mind was elsewhere.

"What was the name of that one princess from the fairy tales?" Wash asked. "The one with blood-red lips?"

"Snow White?" asked Book, Wash nodded, pointing at him. "She seems more like Sleeping Beauty to me. But both ladies do have parallels to our own sleeping beauty." Book mused.

"Didn't they both get woken up by a kiss from a prince?" Kaylee asked with avid eyes and enchanted smile. "I'd love to be woke up by a kiss from a prince." She finished dreamily. Zoë and Inara smiled, each of them sneaking a sly glance towards the ones they hold in their hearts.

"Humph, load of _Gorram _rubbish." Jayne grumbled. "All this sweetness is bound to make a man sick."

"Jayne!" Kaylee protested. "You have to admit it's all very romantic."

"Then why don't the doc try kissing that ghost?" Jayne retorted. "Maybe then she'll wake up and give him a good time." Simon's face looked disgusted at his vulgarity.

"Jayne, you keep a civil tongue in your head." Mal scolded, pointing his fork at him. Jayne returned to his dinner abashed and grumbled, careful to be soft enough that Mal couldn't understand what he said. Simon stood and picked up his dishes. Kaylee reached out and took his sleeve.

"Wait, why don't you sit a bit?" Kaylee implored. "You've been workin' too hard and we're worried 'bout you." He smiled gently at her and nodded.

Several moments had past, and they were talking of what to do next, since none of them felt right about taking her to the man now. None of them noticed River as she walked into the room dazedly, blood on her clothes and face.

"Simon?" at her small voice, he turned to her. He stood up so quickly that the chair was overturned and hurried to her.

"River, what happened?" He asked as he sat her down and examined her bloody nose. It seemed that something hit her in the face.

"She got scared." River said, her attention was far away from the room she was in with the others. "New sensations, something hadn't been felt for so long." She looked up into her brother's eyes, her own was tearing up.

"She woke up." She whimpered. "And now there's pain." Simon stared at her a moment, then turned her over to Kaylee and hurried to the sickbay. There he found the woman on the floor quaking, her eyes were seemed too big for her face and her breathing was too fast, almost hyperventilating. Her eyes seemed to be the only part of her that worked right, as they followed him as he came down to her side and carefully picked her up to cradle against him and check for any injures.

"Shh, shhh." He whispered soothingly. "It's okay, nobody here is going to hurt you." He brushed her hair away from her face and found a cut there where she had hit her head against something. The others crowded around the doorway, watching as he quickly finished examining her and returned her to the bed. There was a little blood and bruising that was appearing on her wrist, where she must've accidentally hit River, since there was nowhere else the blood could've come from.

"Is she okay?" Kaylee asked, peering around Mal. Simon nodded as he walked around the table to get his syringe to administer a sedative for her, to calm her breathing and the racing of her heart. Her breathing slowed as the sedative took effect and her eyes blinked sleepily. He grabbed a penlight and carefully holding up her eyelids, checked her eyes. She groaned softly in protest, but he was done.

"There are some bumps and a cut, but she'll be fine." Simon reported as he pulled on gloves to start cleaning the cut on her forehead. She watched him sleepily from under lowered lashes, but her breathing was anxious. River reappeared in the room and moved to stand besides the exam bed. She started stroking her hair and after a moment, her breathing calmed.

"Why don't we leave the doctor to his ministering and get to our jobs?" Mal said as he waved his hands at the crew to shoo them out.

"Tell me how she's doing, Simon!" Kaylee called out as she vanished behind the door, missing the nod of acknowledgement from him. Mal gave one last look, and left.

Mal was sitting on the catwalks above the cargo bay, deep in thought, when Inara found him. She quietly sat down besides him and waited for him to speak first. He looked over at her and gave her a crooked smile.

"Whadda think 'bout our new girl?" He asked as he looked back over the cargo bay, which was sadly empty.

"It is a miracle that she woke up at all. I stopped in on her on the way here." She smiled softly. "River's braiding her hair and she was sleeping." Mal nodded. "Simon says that as far as he can tell, her body is fine, though weak, but her mind might not be. River told me she forgot how to be alive."

"I reckoned it be so." Mal said. "Being asleep that long." They were quiet for a while, each thinking their own thoughts.

"Do you think we did right, wakin' her up?" Mal asked suddenly. Inara's lips parted, casting for a moment for the right words and she sighed.

"We have no way of knowing. At least this way, she has a chance at actually living, instead of being trapped somewhere between life and death." She finally said.

"Yes, it can be dreadful to be trapped in purgatory." Both of them looked up to see Shepard Book holding his bible. "At least this way, she can decide if she is in heaven or hell."

"Are you going to get on with that talk about that special hell for me?" Mal asked annoyed. Inara tilted her head down to hide her smile, she had heard what Book had said to Mal through the grapevine, nothing remained secret for very long on such a small ship with such a small crew.

"I think you did the right thing, Captain." Book replied. "It is a dreadful thing to be trapped in purgatory." He murmured as he walked away. Mal and Inara watched him.

"Do you think he's alright?" Mal asked, jabbing a thumb towards the retreating Shepard's back.

"I think the idea of what she endured is affecting all of us." Inara answered. She looked up as Mal stood. He brushed off the seat of his pants and then rested his hands on his hips as he looked down at her.

"I think I'll drop in and see how they're doing." He said as he left. Inara smiled sadly as she returned her attention the empty cargo bay.

"Hey, Simon. What's the report?" Mal asked as he strolled in. Sure enough, River was braiding intricate braids in the snowy locks. Simon looked up from where he was examining a readout, mildly surprised.

"Oh, hello. She's sleeping now, all the excitement wore her out." He said as he put the data pad down on the counter and moved to stand besides his sister, resting a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and then returned her attention the braids.

"She'll be fine?"

"Maybe, her body is very weak, she'll have to learn to use it all over again." Simon said. "I can set up a program for her to exercise her muscles and teach her how to use them. But I've never done anything like this before; I'm not completely sure what to do with her." He finished worried. River looked up at him and smiled.

"I can teach her." Simon smiled at her and brushed a hand over her hair. "We can both teach her." He told her. Mal grinned suddenly.

"I feel better now, knowin' that she's got two saints to look over her. Although one of 'em's a little questionable." He amended as he looked at River. She stuck her tongue out at him and he smiled back at her. Simon gave a short laugh and went back to looking over his information and River to her braids.

Several days later, she was doing better. Kaylee had taken to calling her Princess and the others picked it up. Princess was able to move around the ship slowly and carefully with River's help, but her steps and movements were uncertain and shaky and a wind was libel to blow her over. Simon had taken to leaving her in the care of River, since she seemed to improve the most under her tutoring. But they couldn't get her to talk and as Jayne said; her eyes seemed a mite too empty to be human.

Mal bounded into the engine room to find River and Kaylee dressing up Princess with face paints and bows that fluttered like multi-colored butterflies in her hair.

"Cap'n!" Kaylee greeted him delightedly. "She smiled!"

"Really?" He asked, nodding. "That's good news. Jayne should be happy to hear that. Maybe he'll be convinced then that there's somethin' up there yet." Kaylee smiled and carefully tied another bow on the end of a braid that River had finished with.

"Whadda need, Cap'n?" She asked, looking back up at him.

"Huh, I forgot." Mal said after a moment of thought and crouch down besides River to better see Princess. She looked up at him, her eyes were outlined in kohl and it made her pale pink eyes glow at him and her lips were rouged up so that they were no longer a faint purple, but red. Suddenly she gave him a small smile and carefully drew a line down the middle of his face with rouge. Kaylee laughed as Mal grinned ruefully.

"Oh, yah." He snapped his fingers. "I remember now. Simon wants to see you both." He said to River, waving his finger between her and Princess. She nodded and stood up, pulling the other one up with her. Princess wavered for a moment and Mal held out his hands to catch her, but she didn't fall and regained her balance. Hand in hand, River carefully leads her up the steps with the patience of a saint and the disappeared.

"She is amazing with her." Kaylee said with a smile. "I don't think I could do what she did for Princess."

"Me too."

It was nighttime and most of the crew was asleep, River, one of them among those who had followed Morphous' lure into wonderland. But Princess was still awake as she sat up on her bed, gently rocking back and forth, her eyes staring into the dim room that she shared with River. She could hear the soft breaths and sighs, sometimes moans from fears and trials coming from the other bed, but her head never turned.

Slowly, a tear formed at the corner of her eye and traced its' way down her cheek and with a final shimmer at her jaw, fell to the blankets. But she did nothing to acknowledge it, she still felt as she was trapped deep inside of the darkness that had claimed her for so long and she could still see herself screaming there.

She knew that there was other people around her, but she had a hard time understanding them, hard time knowing if they were real or just a part of her imagination that had protected her for so long, that had created new worlds for her to become lost in, maybe forever.

"No, please..." River whimpered softly in her sleep and Princess slowly turned her head to her. "Please find me. I don't wanna be alone anymore..." She moaned in her sleep. Slowly, carefully, Princess stood up and moved over to kneel besides her bed and stroke her hair gently. She calmed under her touch and sighed, the tears forgotten on her cheeks and soaked in her pillow.

Princess knelt there, watching her sleep, wishing in some deep corner of her mind that she could join her in dreamland and not be in the blackness anymore. Slowly, she rose up and walked to the door and slipped her fingers in a crack that was left here. It took too much to open that door and she panted slightly as she slipped through and stood in the hallway.

She wondered as if a ghost through the ship, flitting from place to place. Kaylee's door, with the colorful sign with her name, phantom fingers traced the letters of her name and she moved on. Zoë and Wash giggling softly together in their room as they slowly fell asleep in each other's embrace. Book's door was open and she could see his head bent over his bible in prayer. She hovered by Mal's door, her hand reached out to the door, but shied away before she touched it. She turned and hurried away, her bare feet making the softest _pat pats_ as she followed the corridor into the maze of the ship and finally came out into dinning area. There was a light on and she could see Jayne's back as he bent over his guns and knives.

Phantom quiet, she came up behind him and stood there, watching him clean his arsenal. Jayne looked up once, sensing something, but he just shook his head, berating himself for flights of fancy. For a long time she stood there, just watching as tears fell, ran down her face. She didn't want to be alone in the silence no more; she wanted somebody to see her, to acknowledge her. But she couldn't remember how to ask for that anymore. How do you ask for that when all you know is blackness?

Her hand shook as she raises it and brushed her fingers across his broad back.

"Hey!" He shouted as he erupted up out of his chair, knocking the chair back and whirled around. She cried out as his knife sliced across her arm and she fell backwards as he reached for her throat, caught up in the moment of fear and fight. He froze; knife held in raised hand, staring down at her curled up on the floor crying.

"Aw, _Gorram._" He said suddenly, lowering his knife, her crying was making him feel rather uncomfortable. "Whadda you go and do that for?" He asked as he dropped the knife on the table, still blood on the blade and crouch down besides her. He cupped her tiny shoulder in his hand as he pushed her slightly to see what damage he may have caused and swore at the sight of the blood streaming from a deep cut on her biceps.

"Stop crying, woman." He muttered as he gathered her up and was surprised at how light she was, she really did seem ethereal in more ways then seemed. Quickly and furtively, hoping to not run into any other members of the crew in fears that they'll think the worse of him, he carried her to the sickbay and laid her on the examining table.

She laid there whimpering softly, a thin hand clasped over the cut where he had placed it to help stop the bleeding. She watched him as he tore through the neatly stored supplies that Simon had spent time taking care of, looking for the supplies he wanted.

"What are you doing in my sickbay at this time of the night?" Simon said annoyed as he appeared in his sleep clothes, his hair tousled and sticking every which way. He yawned, but stopped abruptly when he saw Princess bleeding on the table.

"What the _Gorram_ did you do to her?" He asked outraged as he rushed to her and gently pried her fingers away from the cut.

"She snuck up behind me on those ghosty feet and startled me as I was cleanin' mah arsenal!" Jayne growled and tossed the packets with the needles and threads besides her on the table. Simon grabbed one and opened it with his teeth as he pointed at the clean gauze. Jayne quickly grabbed a handful and started mopping at the blood, careful to not hurt her any more than he had already.

"Did you have to cut her like this?" Simon scolded as he looked around for his syringes. "Do you have to make a mess?" he complained as he finally found the syringe he wanted in the wrong compartment and filled it with a pain killer.

"You never keep 'em where they're easily found." Jayne grumbled as he dropped the bloody gauzes on the floor. "And that knife just went through her like butter. Besides, them Albinos, they ain't normal."

"They just don't have any pigments!" Simon said frustrated as he carefully started stitching the wound together. "When will you get it through your thick skull that she is traumatized enough already, Man? He didn't see Jayne's stricken face as he stepped back or Princess' wide eyes following him out.

Jayne made his way back to the dinning room where he saw the knife was still laying on the table, it's edge lined in blood. He stared at it for a moment and with an angry oath, he swept his entire arsenal into the bag but for the offending knife. That one he picked up gingerly and dropped into the garbage chute. He never wanted to see that knife again. He grabbed some rags and quickly mopped up the blood and they too followed the knife into the garbage. He hefted the bag over his shoulder and carried it back to his room where he dropped it into a corner and crashed down into his bed.

"_Gorram_ girl..." he muttered softly as he stared up at the ceiling. "Whadda you go and do that for?"

* * *

Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed out in the world

There are arms to hold you?

You've always known

Your hart was on its own

So laugh in your loneliness

Child of the wilderness

Learn to be lonely

Phantom of the Opera – "Learn to be Lonely"


	3. Log Three

Time, sometimes the time just slips away

And you're left with yesterday

Left with the memories

I, I'll always think of you and smile

And be happy for the time

I had you with me

Though we go our separate ways

I won't forget so don't forget

The memories we made...

Leanne Rimes – "Please Remember"

* * *

Simon stormed through the ship looking for Mal. He had already checked his bunk, but he wasn't there anymore. He had tried several other places before he finally found the captain in the bridge alone, sitting in the pilot's chair just watching the stars. He turned at the sound of Simon's stomping footsteps. 

"What happened?" Mal said rising out of the chair, ready for action. Simon sputtered for a moment before he found enough control to say what was on his mind.

"You have to do something about Jayne. I'll put up with his vulgar remarks about me and heaven knows I put up with his remarks about my sister. But this time, he went too far!" Simon raged, too riled up to just stand still.

"Wait, wait." Mal held up his hands in an effort to calm the young doctor down. "What did Jayne go and do now?"

"He hurt Princess; she is in my sickbay right now with a deep cut in her arm! She was so distressed that I had to give her a sedative so she won't hurt herself." Simon shouted, pointing down the corridor where Wash and Zoë had appeared suddenly, drawn to the sound of shouting. Mal could see Book and Kaylee appearing from their respective areas. But Jayne didn't show up. He pushed past Simon who was still raging on about Jayne and Wash and Zoë quickly moved out of his way as he walked quickly to where Jayne was staying. With a kick, he slammed the door open and burst into the small room and grabbed the startled man from the bed and mightily threw Jayne protesting against a wall.

"You went too far this time, Jayne!" Mal roared in his face and was almost startled when he didn't attempt to defend him self, just stared back at him like a whipped dog. "Whadda have to say for your self?" He growled more softly to him, but no less dangerous and Jayne knew it.

"I'm sorry, Cap'n. She came up behind me and I didn't know she was there, honest!" Jayne pleaded, holding his hands up. "Honest, I didn't know what I was doin'."

"He's right, you know." River's voice suddenly piped up from behind Mal and the others. They turned to look at her quizzical. "Princess' got them ghost feet an' icicle fingers." She smiled at Jayne. "Besides, Jayne gets scared like a little girl with ghosts."

"Why you-" Jayne started to say, but Mal shook him.

"He was just careless, that all?" Mal asked River. She nodded and he looked back at Jayne with an almost dangerous look in his eyes.

"I don't like how you're lookin' at me." Jayne complained nervously. Mal gave him a curt smile and let go of his shirt, smoothing out the wrinkle and clapped him on the shoulder. "You're hereby now the new babysitter of Princess here. You will watch over her and make sure that nothin' like this happens again with her."

"I ain't no _Gorram_ babysitter!" Jayne complained.

"You will protect her with your life or you'll be let of this ship a mite early, _Dong ma_?" Mal warned, the dangerous look in his eyes was stronger. Jayne visibly gulped and nodded quickly.

"You're going to let _Jayne_ take care of her?" Simon asked with disgust. "The man can't even take care of a pet rock!" He stood defiantly even as Mal turned his eye on him and the others behind him looked everyway but at Mal.

"Then it's 'bout time Jayne learned somethin' 'bout care. Besides, wasn't just yesterday you're tellin' me how you're too tired to take care of River an' Princess and all that doctorin' you need to do?" Mal challenged him, moving away from Jayne to Simon.

"Well-" Simon started to stay, but Wash interrupted him.

"Wait, do y'all hear something?" He asked as he looked up towards the entrance to Jayne's room. They all listened for a moment when Mal suddenly rushed for the ladder and they heard what he heard. They hurried to follow after him and as they got up into the corridor, they could hear somebody screaming.

"Princess!" Kaylee cried out as she stood in shock. Mal was already gone, Simon close on his heels. Jayne shoved past Kaylee and Inara and tore after the others. The two women looked at each other and quickly followed.

Mal ran into the sickbay to find Princess still on the examining table, the force of her screams arching her back off the surface as she clawed the air around her. Simon shoved past him and quickly went to her.

"Quick! Help me restrain her!" He ordered as he pushed down on her shoulders and Mal quickly moved to obey with Jayne right after him.

"No! Please no!" Princess screamed and lashed out at the men who were restraining her. She managed to free her arms from Mal and sat up to claw at Simon, catching him across the cheek with her nails leaving bloody marks. Mal grabbed at her.

"Ah! Hold her!" Simon winced as he touched his cheek, and then picked up the syringe that he had dropped and reached for the bottle of sedatives.

"I won't let you! You bastards!" She snarled at them and lashed out a leg and caught Jayne on the jaw, hurling him backwards. She wrenches her arm free from Mal's grasp and crouched on the table, her eyes glowing with anger and fear. "I won't let you do this to me!" Suddenly she grabbed her head and screamed, arching backwards until she fell backwards on the table. "No! Ahh! No!" Jayne pushed forward and grabbed her arm, catching the other as she lashed it at him. He pulled her in close and head-slammed her so that she fell unconscious against his chest.

"Jayne!" Kaylee said out loud, shocked.

"She won't hold still for the doc." Jayne said defensibly as he laid her back on the table. "Besides, that screamin' was gettin' on my nerves."

Simon moved forward quickly to check her, examining her head first carefully where there was a bruise already forming. Mal looked from Simon and Jayne, his jaw working as he complemented on what he was thinking. Deciding that he won't chew Jayne out for his action, it had served what they were trying to do, even though it wasn't the best method, instead he opted for a different tactic.

"What the _Gorram_ just happened here?" He asked the doctor. Simon shrugged.

"Ask me later, when I have a better idea. But the best I can give you is that she may had a reaction to the sedative I gave her earlier." He looked up at the others. "But the best thing we can do right now is to leave her alone and let me do my work." At his pointed hint, the others slowly, reluctantly left. Jayne dawdled and as the last person, Kaylee, left with a last worried look, he turned to face Simon.

"She ain' hurt too bad?" He asked, looking down at the floor. "I didn't do nothin' worse to her?"

"She'll be fine." Jayne looked up startled at Simon's suddenly more benevolent reply. He was looking at him with a measuring look in his eyes. "She has been in stasis for a long time and we have nothing in our medical records of this. I simply don't know what's wrong with her. With more time, I can figure out what happened to her and cure her. Even the more modern stasis technology has side effects similar to hers."

Jayne nodded and left. Simon looked down at Princess and smoothed her hair from her face.

"What's going on in that mind of yours? That's keeping you so trapped?

* * *

_A few days later..._

"Have you seen that ghost?" Jayne asked grumpily to Zoë and Wash where they were sitting together in the dinning area. Wash shook his head but Zoë nodded.

"Yes, she was heading towards her room." Zoë informed him, smiling as Wash nuzzled her neck suddenly. Jayne scowled at them and moved on, still looking for her. He went to where her room was near where Simon and River slept and rapped on the door and listened. He could hear soft music playing inside and he frowned. He opened the door a crack to look in and saw her sitting in front of a mirror cutting her long curly hair off with one of Jayne's highly honed knives.

"_Gorram _it!" he swore and shoved the door so hard that it cracked as he rushed forward. He gently grabbed her hand as she raised it to cut and pried the knife from it. Most of her hair was no longer down around the middle of her back, but now around her shoulders with shorter strands around her face. She ignored him as she stared in the mirror, fingering the longer strands that she didn't have a chance to cut. She suddenly looked up pleadingly at him and he sighed.

"Wha?" He complained, in no mood to deal with her mute ways. She pulled the longer strands out and then reaches out and touched his hand where he was holding the knife. He looked from one to the other and put it together.

"You want me to finish cuttin' yer hair?" He asked. She turned to look back in the mirror and he sighed. Looking at the open door, he then started trimming her hair so that it was more even.

"She's starting to remember how to be human." River suddenly spoke from behind him, causing him to jump in surprise.

"Don't go sneekin' up on me when I'm cuttin'!" Jayne growled at her as he moved the knife away from Princess' nape where he was trimming. "I coulda cut 'er!"

"But you didn't." River pointed out with a smile. She came forward and sat down next to the other girl and they both looked in the mirror at their refection, two haunted eyes set in pale faces.

A new song started playing and Princess closed her eyes and tilted her head back as she listened. A soft smile formed as she swayed back and forth to the music. River laughed out loud and stood up and started dancing to the music. Princess had opened her eyes and was watching River dance when she swooped down to her and grabbed her hands and pulled her up so that they were both dancing together. They fell panting on the bed when the song finished, and Jayne shook his head at amusement at their antics.

Suddenly a gentle song came on and Princess sat up, listening intently. She gasped softly as her eyes widened as a couple sang a duet together.

"_Say you love me every waking moment, turn my head with talk of summer time... Say you need me with you, now and always... Promise me that all you say is true – that's all I ask of you..." _She sang softly with the music, her eyes closed, but her words didn't match with the words in the song. River watched her with bright eyes as Jayne looked from one to the other confused. The song ended and she slowly opened her eyes. For the first time Jayne had seen her, her eyes were bright and clear, instead of cloudy and confused.

"Princess?" Jayne asked nervously. She didn't look at him; rather she was looking deep within herself as she seemed to be listening to something only she could hear. "No, not Princess. Harley." She whispered hoarsely, her voice nearly gone for ill-use. "He died so I took his name." She sighed gently and fell backwards.

"Princess?" He asked again as he stood up, River looked up at him and it scared him when he realized that she was scared too. He quickly touched the side of her neck and found that her pulse was faltering and weak. He scooped her up and with River following, he rushed to the sickbay.

"Simon!" River screamed as she ran ahead and found him just going into the sickbay. She latched onto his sleeve sobbing. "Harley's dying!"

"Harley?" Simon asked confused when he looked up to see Jayne barreling down on him with Princess limp in his arms. He quickly opened the doors so that Jayne could lay her down on the examining table.

"What did you do to her?" Simon asked as he grabbed some tools and started examining her. "She's barely breathing and her heartbeat is next to nothing!"

"Why do everybody thinks it's always my fault?" Jayne complained. "I didn't do nothin'! She heard some song and was talking about Harvey or Carvy when she fainted!" he grumbled as he watched the doctor work. "Well?"

"Well what?" Simon asked annoyed.

"What's wrong?"

"I have no idea and I can't work with you hovering over like this!" Simon complained to him. "Now please, just go away."

"Cap'n put me in charge of her an' I ain't goin' nowhere." Jayne said stubbornly, crossing his arms. Simon looked up at him.

"I'll tell Mal that you hit her in the head again."

"I'm goin'."

* * *

Mal stood frowning by Princess' side on the examining table. "What happened?" He asked Simon. He looked up at his captain and shrugged. 

"River told me that she remembered something of herself, but then something happened and she fainted. You need to understand, her mind is very sensitive and the shock must've hurt her." He looked over at a display screen and pointed at certain key points. "See? She suddenly had more brain waves than she did normally and that caused her brain to go into shock."

"Is there a way to keep that from happenin' again?" Mal asked as he pretended he knew what the display screen was telling him. Simon sighed.

"Not really. There must be triggers and they're starting to affect her memory, make her recall things she didn't remember before." Simon said, crossing his arms. "But at least with each time, it should get easier for her."

"Ah, good." Mal nodded. "Is there a way to make it easier for her?"

"Yes, I can keep her in a controlled environment, monitor what she is exposed to and make sure that she doesn't get overwhelmed. But you have to realize, she needs to be re-exposed to her memories or they might find some other, more harmful ways to surface." Simon replied as he rubbed his forehead wearily. He looked up suddenly, "Wait, River told me something interesting, I think her name might be Harley."

"Harley? Huh." Mal frowned thoughtfully, and then gave him a quick smirk. "Give me a call when she wakes up." He didn't bother to wait for the doctor's reply, just walked out of the sick bay.

"Sure, I'll do that." Simon said softly to the empty doorway, still slightly annoyed at Mal's rudeness and abruptness, but he had gotten used to it by then. Mostly.

* * *

Princess was lying on the examining bed in the sick bay alone. It was mostly dark in the area, except for the light that shone on her as she moved slightly in her sleep. 

"No..." She murmured softly, turning her face away from the light. Slowly, her eyes opened and she stared around the room, finally understanding where she was. She sat up carefully and held her hands up, but they seemed unchanged from when she saw them last, although paler. She moaned softly as she closed her eyes and covering them with her hands as she remembered something new. Something about being at the beach and being teased by a friend for having such pale skin.

"It was the first time I've gotten a chance to go out in the sun." She murmured softly with herself in her memory. She slid from the table and made her way to a counter where she found a shiny clean metal tray she was able to use as a rough mirror. She hesitated before lifting it, but then she stared at her refection for the longest time, wild and chaotic thoughts racing through her mind as she finally remembered. She lowered the tray with a groan; a pounding headache was beginning to form and making her nauseous. Tears began to escape as she turned and slumped against the counter, sliding down so that she was now sitting on the floor, hugging herself.

"Mom? Dad?" She called softly, knowing that they would never answer her again. She wailed softly at the painful memories and the excruciating knowledge that she was never gonna be able to see any of her old world again.

"Mom, I want you..." She moaned softly as she rested her head against the cool counter doors and tried to curl up tighter to squeeze away the pain from in her heart and she just cried until she couldn't cry anymore and just stared numbly across the room.

But she started to cry again as warm arms came around her and pulled her close, away from the cold counter and soft words of comfort were murmured as a cheek rest against the top of her head.

Jayne was prowling along the corridors, something was making him restless and he couldn't sleep. He was silent as a shadow as he moved by Simon and River's rooms, pausing where Princess normally slept; the door was still jammed crookedly in its frame. Of course, she wasn't there; she was in the sick bay. With that in mind, he decided to mosey on by the sick bay and make sure she wasn't having any problems, even though he knew that Simon should have everything under control. But Jayne never did trust that pansy doc to do things the right way, his way.

He came to a sudden stop just inside the sick bay when he saw that Princess wasn't on the bed anymore. He looked around quickly.

"Princess?" He called out, not worrying about waking up anybody; most of them were too far away to hear anyway.

"Down here." He heard Simon's voice softly. Jayne came around the bed and saw Simon sitting on the floor with Princess curled up against him. He looked up at him with a quizzical look.

"Did you need something?" Simon asked politely, as if it was perfectly normal to find him sitting on the floor as Princess looked up at Jayne with tearstained cheeks.

"What happened, why is she cryin'?" Jayne asked as he crouched down to see them better and touched her lightly on the head.

"I found myself." She said, hoarsely, but coherently. "I'm not gonna see my family and friends again, am I?" She asked, laying her head against Simon's shoulder.

"That depends, what year did you go into stasis?" Jayne said with a shrug as he shifted his weight uncomfortably as she thought.

"A long, long time ago. We just started using space ships and here, space ships are everywhere, right?" She asked, looking up at Simon, then to Jayne. Both men looked at each other with surprise, they knew she was old, but not that old. She read it on their faces and looked down at the floor.

"The funny thing is that I just wanna go home to Mom and Dad, even though it had been so painful at home since Harvey died." Princess said softly and sighed. "Hell, I'll give anything to see something that I know instead of all of this strange futuristic stuff that I never grew up with like you guys did." She looked up at Jayne.

"And you have your family and friends here with you now, not dead and gone in the past where you can't see them anymore."

"But you do have a family." Simon said, giving her a little squeeze.

"Yah, a new one with us." Jayne chimed in as he sat down on her other side. She smiled at him tearfully as she took his hand and Simon's.

"What is your real name? We can't just keep on calling you 'Princess'." Simon asked after a moment of quiet thought.

"Harley, for my brother, Harvey." She answered. "But I do like the sound of 'Princess'." She said to him with a sad smile. "It's not quite so painful."

"What happened to this Harvey chap anyway?" Jayne asked.

"He died a couple of years ago... well, for me that is, and his death was really hard on the family." She absently played with their hands, each in one of her own smaller hands as she stared at the dark doorway, into her past.

"Harvey was hit by a drunk driver and because I looked so much like him, Mom and Dad couldn't bear looking at me. He was my twin brother, he was the perfect son, and I was the misfit. So I stayed at college all the time, just studying and partying all the time so that the pain wouldn't hurt so much." She said, "And now I regret not spending all that time with them, time that was wasted and I can't get back again."

"Hey, here you can't get away from us. We're always here and the ship ain't that big." Jayne said suddenly as if it had just occurred to him.

"Yes, unfortunately." Simon said gloomily, causing Harley to laugh.

* * *

Goodbye, there's no sadder word to say

And it's sad to walk away

With just the memories

Who's to know what might have been

We'll leave behind a life and time

I'll never know again

Leanne Rimes – "Please Remember"

* * *

Gildsister: Thanks for pointing out 'status'/'stasis', we competely missed that one! Also thanks for pointing out the anonymous reviews deal, I hadn't realized that it was off, we're new here! ;)

By the way, my muse loves 'em reviews& is more likely to work with me if she gets her ego fluffed up, or fired up, which ever works! ;)


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